Some thoughts from a travel weary friend…
greatly admire people who can grow things….I can't grow anything. Every plant I've ever lovingly nourished has died. One year I planted wild flowers because I thought, "if they can grow in the wild, this is a sure proof plan". Problem is, I was so diligent in caring for my garden… y'know watering, and weeding anything that looked like a weed, that for some reason, nothing grew! Oh, but I have learned through my mistakes! I now have vibrant and green growth in my house that will never die or need watering! No, on this journey I call life, I don't believe God will ever ask me to stop and plant a virtual garden! But He has asked me to do many other things and in the twisting and turning of my life's journey, though it hasn't always been easy, God has been a faithful and true friend and I know, I know, I KNOW He loves me! I just need reminding every once and a while!
2 weeks ago, my oldest son Jordan, who just turned 18 in March, packed his bags and moved 12 hours away. Suddenly, and too soon it seems in my life, this "empty nest syndrome" is hitting me and this "void" has opened in front of me. If I've been "half" successful at growing anything, it's been my family. I have tried to nurture them in their giftings and I've seen Randy and I and the kids become a close family. We've "grown" them in the things of the Lord, and hopefully pruned back responses and attitudes that would only cause hurt in later years, but I feel so far from being finished in this process.
If you had told me 3 years ago how difficult these 3 years were going to be, I would have run in the other direction! Maybe that's why God only gives us a "piece" of the puzzle on our journey of life.
I'm a British Columbia girl, raised in Fort St. John and Dawson Creek, and at 19, got married and moved to Abbotsford, in the Fraser Valley. It was there that we put down roots and had our kids and established relationship and community. It was also there that I made my first CD and began my national and international ministry. I would have been content to live and die there, but God had other plans and I believe looking back, wanted to grow each of us in character. I believe we had become static in our experiences. Character always comes in those valley experiences, but it sure doesn't come very often in the mountain top experiences! So God asked us through "circumstances" to move to Calgary, Alberta. Now those of you, who have lived in Alberta, and especially Calgary, know it's like moving to a different country because it's SO culturally different than BC. Calgary is a cowboy town and very fast paced. Even though it's conservative politically, it's very entrepreneurial. I was used to…….well, Abbotsford and an artsy community! Our oldest child was 15 and he didn't adjust well to the move. He pined to go back and so even though his leaving is not a complete surprise, nothing can prepare you for how much it changes your life. I don't think I've ever asked God "why" as much as I have in the last 3 months. Why did we have to move? Why has it been so lonely? Why have I had to give up my son so young? I have ranted and raved at God; I have let Him know how angry I am, but it's in the quiet moments when I'm exhausted from all my yelling that He has spoken truth and comfort to me. He has given me words out of the Bible and songs that have nourished my spirit. He has reminded me that He also gave up His Son to a much greater cost. And He has reminded me that He truly is in control and that all these things that happen in our lives, in the end, lead down the path to the Father and the hope there is in His saying "Well, done."
In Brian Houston's song "When You See Bones" it says
And you need to know that I have been
Wishing for you, dreaming in you, hoping for you
For my dreams are so much greater for you than yours
And to know my hand in your life
This is the greatest prize
So much better than recognition
And as you rise up in me
Many will know, many will see
Many will hear, many will fear
'Cause I am your God
This is the pure gold that I am refining in you
That will shine within your soul
And your cup will run over
Oh how thankful I am that I have God. He will faithfully dream bigger than I will when I can't see beyond my own circumstances.
And He may never ask me to grow a garden, but I hope He grows a garden, teaming with life, in me.
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